[ She knows that he knows he's not alone-- but she wants him to really remember that on the nights that he can't sleep because a nightmare shakes him awake, pulls him away from slumber and into restlessness, after difficult battles when he feels like his soul is wearing down, feels the weight of not just the world, but the universe dragging down his shoulders--
on the nights that he needs her to hold him and pull him back into where he is, let him listen to the beat of her heart and the slowness of her breaths--
except that she won't be able to do that anymore. So she needs him to remember that in spite of that, he's not alone.
But there's no time, no more time, to tell him exactly what she means. No time to tell him that he can always find pieces of her in the flower garden she's left at the Castle; no time to tell him that she'd left some of her things in his room, too, in hopes that they could be anchors instead of cruel reminders. He's leaving and neither of them know when they'll see each other again and Hana has to try, very hard, not to let that thought clutch at her heart and ice her veins because she can't fall apart in front of him now, not again. The last thing she wants for him to see before he goes back into the cold dark draw of space is her smile, warmer than what the sun setting beyond them can provide, more refreshing than the sea breeze that washes across Gibraltar, sweeter than the cake at Hana's all-but-forgotten party.
So she does. Even if her eyes still glisten with the threat of tears, even if her body is already aching, missing his touch, she smiles for him fond and full of all of the love her heart and her small body can hold for him. Her hands find his, intertwine fingers with his briefly for one last time before she lets go completely even if it hurts more than she ever thought a goodbye could. And, softly, she says, ]
All right. Game face on, Takashi Shirogane. You have a war to win.
no subject
on the nights that he needs her to hold him and pull him back into where he is, let him listen to the beat of her heart and the slowness of her breaths--
except that she won't be able to do that anymore. So she needs him to remember that in spite of that, he's not alone.
But there's no time, no more time, to tell him exactly what she means. No time to tell him that he can always find pieces of her in the flower garden she's left at the Castle; no time to tell him that she'd left some of her things in his room, too, in hopes that they could be anchors instead of cruel reminders. He's leaving and neither of them know when they'll see each other again and Hana has to try, very hard, not to let that thought clutch at her heart and ice her veins because she can't fall apart in front of him now, not again. The last thing she wants for him to see before he goes back into the cold dark draw of space is her smile, warmer than what the sun setting beyond them can provide, more refreshing than the sea breeze that washes across Gibraltar, sweeter than the cake at Hana's all-but-forgotten party.
So she does. Even if her eyes still glisten with the threat of tears, even if her body is already aching, missing his touch, she smiles for him fond and full of all of the love her heart and her small body can hold for him. Her hands find his, intertwine fingers with his briefly for one last time before she lets go completely even if it hurts more than she ever thought a goodbye could. And, softly, she says, ]
All right. Game face on, Takashi Shirogane. You have a war to win.