[ Hana doesn't want to close her eyes, doesn't want to let Shiro out of her sight even if he's still right in front of her, even if it's just for a second--
but keeping her eyes open, her vision blurs with tears and that's no good either--
so she lets her eyes slip shut when he kisses her soundly, lets that pour tears across her face, and her other hand comes up to cup his mech hand in the same way she does his human hand.
She wishes he would be selfish, too. She wishes he would tell her that he'll wait for her or look forward to seeing her again and she wishes he'd make a lame joke about fighting off suitors while they're apart like the last time they had to say goodbye to each other but there's none of that, and it all feels too finite like that red thread that ties them is beginning to unravel and god, what is she even doing
maybe she should've never come back to Earth if it was going to hurt this much
and she has to fight back against her own body wanting to shake with a sob when he pulls way momentarily.
Hana wouldn't want to move on. Maybe that's naive of her, maybe it's her youth showing because she's only twenty, closer to twenty-one. She wouldn't want a good young man who would never make her decide between her life here and the stars; she already knows what she wants and it's to be with Shiro. It's just that--
she can't be her best for him the way she is. Not when she feels like parts of herself are missing after the battle at Busan. And Shiro--
he deserves the best.
But, god, does she want to call this whole thing off and run off into space with him again if it would stop her traitorous heart from aching this much and if it would stop these stupid tears from falling and stinging her eyes and keeping her from seeing Shiro properly and when he leans back in for another kiss she matches his fervor with her own desperation, her own need fill herself up with as much of him as she can until he leaves, before she tries any more to convince herself to go back on her word and run away with him, before the real heartbreak happens. ]
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but keeping her eyes open, her vision blurs with tears and that's no good either--
so she lets her eyes slip shut when he kisses her soundly, lets that pour tears across her face, and her other hand comes up to cup his mech hand in the same way she does his human hand.
She wishes he would be selfish, too. She wishes he would tell her that he'll wait for her or look forward to seeing her again and she wishes he'd make a lame joke about fighting off suitors while they're apart like the last time they had to say goodbye to each other but there's none of that, and it all feels too finite like that red thread that ties them is beginning to unravel and god, what is she even doing
maybe she should've never come back to Earth if it was going to hurt this much
and she has to fight back against her own body wanting to shake with a sob when he pulls way momentarily.
Hana wouldn't want to move on. Maybe that's naive of her, maybe it's her youth showing because she's only twenty, closer to twenty-one. She wouldn't want a good young man who would never make her decide between her life here and the stars; she already knows what she wants and it's to be with Shiro. It's just that--
she can't be her best for him the way she is. Not when she feels like parts of herself are missing after the battle at Busan. And Shiro--
he deserves the best.
But, god, does she want to call this whole thing off and run off into space with him again if it would stop her traitorous heart from aching this much and if it would stop these stupid tears from falling and stinging her eyes and keeping her from seeing Shiro properly and when he leans back in for another kiss she matches his fervor with her own desperation, her own need fill herself up with as much of him as she can until he leaves, before she tries any more to convince herself to go back on her word and run away with him, before the real heartbreak happens. ]