hana song 🐰 d.va (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bunnyhopped) wrote2016-07-31 11:44 pm
bunnyhopped) wrote2016-07-31 11:44 pm
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And nothing lasts forever. He might be dead in a year's time.
He doesn't - think so. He doesn't expect so. But he's aware of it.
But more, he's aware that she might move on. That the world is full of young men, good young men, young men that love Earth and living on it, that will never make her decide between her life here and the stars. Not soon, not any time soon at all, and she'd never do it to hurt him but -
the world is full of good young men. Ones who won't ask her to leave Earth behind.
It doesn't mean he'll ever stop loving her. Or she'll ever stop loving him. But he understands.
But she's crying, he can hear it in her determined voice, in the shakes of her hand, her breathing. And it breaks his heart because if he could make this easy for her, he would. He'd give up his own heart in a beat if he could make this gentle and easy for her. His other hand comes up and he tilts her face toward him, leans in and kisses her, soft and long and slow, tasting the salt of her tears against the sweetness of her lips. He won't hold her to a promise like that. Her life is here. It may never leave for his stars. His lips leave hers - and then come crashing back again, hard and hot and desperate. He aches for her. He is going to ache for her for the rest of his life and if he had another year, he would never be able to kiss her long enough or hard enough to stand against that ache.
But he'll try. God damn, but he'll try in these last few minutes.]
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but keeping her eyes open, her vision blurs with tears and that's no good either--
so she lets her eyes slip shut when he kisses her soundly, lets that pour tears across her face, and her other hand comes up to cup his mech hand in the same way she does his human hand.
She wishes he would be selfish, too. She wishes he would tell her that he'll wait for her or look forward to seeing her again and she wishes he'd make a lame joke about fighting off suitors while they're apart like the last time they had to say goodbye to each other but there's none of that, and it all feels too finite like that red thread that ties them is beginning to unravel and god, what is she even doing
maybe she should've never come back to Earth if it was going to hurt this much
and she has to fight back against her own body wanting to shake with a sob when he pulls way momentarily.
Hana wouldn't want to move on. Maybe that's naive of her, maybe it's her youth showing because she's only twenty, closer to twenty-one. She wouldn't want a good young man who would never make her decide between her life here and the stars; she already knows what she wants and it's to be with Shiro. It's just that--
she can't be her best for him the way she is. Not when she feels like parts of herself are missing after the battle at Busan. And Shiro--
he deserves the best.
But, god, does she want to call this whole thing off and run off into space with him again if it would stop her traitorous heart from aching this much and if it would stop these stupid tears from falling and stinging her eyes and keeping her from seeing Shiro properly and when he leans back in for another kiss she matches his fervor with her own desperation, her own need fill herself up with as much of him as she can until he leaves, before she tries any more to convince herself to go back on her word and run away with him, before the real heartbreak happens. ]
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If she comes back to him it will have to be because its where she feels she belongs and she's made peace with it.
He knows that. And so he knows he needs to let her go, even if his kiss is almost bruising, even if he pulls her into his body as if he could trap her inside his rib cage and keep her tucked there forever. She needs this and she needs here and she needs to grow. She need to find out who Hana Song is when there's no more D.Va. He knows it, supports it.
It would just be easier on him if he wasn't convinced this was the beginning of his losing her no matter what she says. How does one man compete with what an entire planet has to offer?
He doesn't. He can't. But God damn, is he tempted to try.
Except this isn't about him. This is about her and what she needs and right now she needs to be here. On Earth.
When he finally pulls away from her lips, he's panting, and his forehead rests against hers. He doesn't open his eyes. His voice is quiet and hoarse.]
You come. You just come. No matter how much time has gone by. No matter what's happened. You come into the Black and I'll be there waiting for you. No matter what.
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That's all she wanted to hear from him, really. She wanted to hear him say that he would wait for her. Because as much as Shiro might think Hana would be the first to move on--
She's seen, even been a little bit through what his life is like in space. It's exciting, both in good and bad ways, it's wonderful and scary and it's ups and downs and, while there's not a doubt in her mind that Shiro would wait for her, to hear him actually say it helps to loosen the tight bands around her chest and she gives a shuddering exhale at that, finally feeling like she can breathe a little again.
His words are exactly what she needed, more than his bruising kiss, more than his embrace, although those are important too. But his words, she's going to pull deep into herself and lock up, hold onto it for all of the time they're going to be apart, recall them during all of the lonely nights they're going to have, all the moments that she's surely going to stop and think that she wishes he was there, each and every time she needs to remember how his voice sounds when it's quiet just for her.
Steeling herself just a little, or at least trying to, she draws in a sniffling breath and moves her hands, wipes away the tears still streaming down her face before she mirrors Shiro and framing his face with her fingers at his cheeks. Her own voice drops quiet and gentle for him and him alone. ]
I love you, Takashi. Always. [ there's a soft chuckle from her ] I wish I could help kick Haggar's ass with you. I have a lot to take up with her for everything she's done to you. But I know you can win, jagiya. You and Pidgey and Lance and Hunk and Keith and the Princess and Coran and everyone who's joined up with you. You're not alone anymore. Promise me you'll remember that.
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And there's a soft huff at the end.]
I will. [Its an easy promise to make and even if he couldn't keep it, he knows full well that his teammates, his friends, would be sure he did anyway. He's not going into the Black, and the war, alone. He's just -
going without her.]
I'll remember. [And then he pulls back because they can't prolong this. It's painful enough already and each minute longer just makes it harder. His hands linger in strands of her hair though, having a hard time forcing himself to let go entirely.] Its time for me to go, Hana.
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on the nights that he needs her to hold him and pull him back into where he is, let him listen to the beat of her heart and the slowness of her breaths--
except that she won't be able to do that anymore. So she needs him to remember that in spite of that, he's not alone.
But there's no time, no more time, to tell him exactly what she means. No time to tell him that he can always find pieces of her in the flower garden she's left at the Castle; no time to tell him that she'd left some of her things in his room, too, in hopes that they could be anchors instead of cruel reminders. He's leaving and neither of them know when they'll see each other again and Hana has to try, very hard, not to let that thought clutch at her heart and ice her veins because she can't fall apart in front of him now, not again. The last thing she wants for him to see before he goes back into the cold dark draw of space is her smile, warmer than what the sun setting beyond them can provide, more refreshing than the sea breeze that washes across Gibraltar, sweeter than the cake at Hana's all-but-forgotten party.
So she does. Even if her eyes still glisten with the threat of tears, even if her body is already aching, missing his touch, she smiles for him fond and full of all of the love her heart and her small body can hold for him. Her hands find his, intertwine fingers with his briefly for one last time before she lets go completely even if it hurts more than she ever thought a goodbye could. And, softly, she says, ]
All right. Game face on, Takashi Shirogane. You have a war to win.