[Hana deserves the best and she deserves to become her best for herself. He would never ask her to change for him and he has loved her exactly as she is. But she's lost and she's searching and she needs the room to grow and become whoever it is she'll become next and he can't be here for that. He can't be here because she needs to explore outside of his protection and because he couldn't anyway because of the war. If she comes back to him...
If she comes back to him it will have to be because its where she feels she belongs and she's made peace with it.
He knows that. And so he knows he needs to let her go, even if his kiss is almost bruising, even if he pulls her into his body as if he could trap her inside his rib cage and keep her tucked there forever. She needs this and she needs here and she needs to grow. She need to find out who Hana Song is when there's no more D.Va. He knows it, supports it.
It would just be easier on him if he wasn't convinced this was the beginning of his losing her no matter what she says. How does one man compete with what an entire planet has to offer?
He doesn't. He can't. But God damn, is he tempted to try.
Except this isn't about him. This is about her and what she needs and right now she needs to be here. On Earth.
When he finally pulls away from her lips, he's panting, and his forehead rests against hers. He doesn't open his eyes. His voice is quiet and hoarse.]
You come. You just come. No matter how much time has gone by. No matter what's happened. You come into the Black and I'll be there waiting for you. No matter what.
That's all she wanted to hear from him, really. She wanted to hear him say that he would wait for her. Because as much as Shiro might think Hana would be the first to move on--
She's seen, even been a little bit through what his life is like in space. It's exciting, both in good and bad ways, it's wonderful and scary and it's ups and downs and, while there's not a doubt in her mind that Shiro would wait for her, to hear him actually say it helps to loosen the tight bands around her chest and she gives a shuddering exhale at that, finally feeling like she can breathe a little again.
His words are exactly what she needed, more than his bruising kiss, more than his embrace, although those are important too. But his words, she's going to pull deep into herself and lock up, hold onto it for all of the time they're going to be apart, recall them during all of the lonely nights they're going to have, all the moments that she's surely going to stop and think that she wishes he was there, each and every time she needs to remember how his voice sounds when it's quiet just for her.
Steeling herself just a little, or at least trying to, she draws in a sniffling breath and moves her hands, wipes away the tears still streaming down her face before she mirrors Shiro and framing his face with her fingers at his cheeks. Her own voice drops quiet and gentle for him and him alone. ]
I love you, Takashi. Always. [ there's a soft chuckle from her ] I wish I could help kick Haggar's ass with you. I have a lot to take up with her for everything she's done to you. But I know you can win, jagiya. You and Pidgey and Lance and Hunk and Keith and the Princess and Coran and everyone who's joined up with you. You're not alone anymore. Promise me you'll remember that.
[If she needs to remember his voice when its the way it is now, he needs to remember hers just as badly. When its low and soft and feminine and just for his ears. Because he's got a war ahead of him and an enemy that plays mind games and long lonely nights that he's going to need to remember her voice just like it is now. It's not the kind of voice he can hear over a vid speaker. So he swallows that down into himself as well.
And there's a soft huff at the end.]
I will. [Its an easy promise to make and even if he couldn't keep it, he knows full well that his teammates, his friends, would be sure he did anyway. He's not going into the Black, and the war, alone. He's just -
going without her.]
I'll remember. [And then he pulls back because they can't prolong this. It's painful enough already and each minute longer just makes it harder. His hands linger in strands of her hair though, having a hard time forcing himself to let go entirely.] Its time for me to go, Hana.
[ She knows that he knows he's not alone-- but she wants him to really remember that on the nights that he can't sleep because a nightmare shakes him awake, pulls him away from slumber and into restlessness, after difficult battles when he feels like his soul is wearing down, feels the weight of not just the world, but the universe dragging down his shoulders--
on the nights that he needs her to hold him and pull him back into where he is, let him listen to the beat of her heart and the slowness of her breaths--
except that she won't be able to do that anymore. So she needs him to remember that in spite of that, he's not alone.
But there's no time, no more time, to tell him exactly what she means. No time to tell him that he can always find pieces of her in the flower garden she's left at the Castle; no time to tell him that she'd left some of her things in his room, too, in hopes that they could be anchors instead of cruel reminders. He's leaving and neither of them know when they'll see each other again and Hana has to try, very hard, not to let that thought clutch at her heart and ice her veins because she can't fall apart in front of him now, not again. The last thing she wants for him to see before he goes back into the cold dark draw of space is her smile, warmer than what the sun setting beyond them can provide, more refreshing than the sea breeze that washes across Gibraltar, sweeter than the cake at Hana's all-but-forgotten party.
So she does. Even if her eyes still glisten with the threat of tears, even if her body is already aching, missing his touch, she smiles for him fond and full of all of the love her heart and her small body can hold for him. Her hands find his, intertwine fingers with his briefly for one last time before she lets go completely even if it hurts more than she ever thought a goodbye could. And, softly, she says, ]
All right. Game face on, Takashi Shirogane. You have a war to win.
no subject
If she comes back to him it will have to be because its where she feels she belongs and she's made peace with it.
He knows that. And so he knows he needs to let her go, even if his kiss is almost bruising, even if he pulls her into his body as if he could trap her inside his rib cage and keep her tucked there forever. She needs this and she needs here and she needs to grow. She need to find out who Hana Song is when there's no more D.Va. He knows it, supports it.
It would just be easier on him if he wasn't convinced this was the beginning of his losing her no matter what she says. How does one man compete with what an entire planet has to offer?
He doesn't. He can't. But God damn, is he tempted to try.
Except this isn't about him. This is about her and what she needs and right now she needs to be here. On Earth.
When he finally pulls away from her lips, he's panting, and his forehead rests against hers. He doesn't open his eyes. His voice is quiet and hoarse.]
You come. You just come. No matter how much time has gone by. No matter what's happened. You come into the Black and I'll be there waiting for you. No matter what.
no subject
That's all she wanted to hear from him, really. She wanted to hear him say that he would wait for her. Because as much as Shiro might think Hana would be the first to move on--
She's seen, even been a little bit through what his life is like in space. It's exciting, both in good and bad ways, it's wonderful and scary and it's ups and downs and, while there's not a doubt in her mind that Shiro would wait for her, to hear him actually say it helps to loosen the tight bands around her chest and she gives a shuddering exhale at that, finally feeling like she can breathe a little again.
His words are exactly what she needed, more than his bruising kiss, more than his embrace, although those are important too. But his words, she's going to pull deep into herself and lock up, hold onto it for all of the time they're going to be apart, recall them during all of the lonely nights they're going to have, all the moments that she's surely going to stop and think that she wishes he was there, each and every time she needs to remember how his voice sounds when it's quiet just for her.
Steeling herself just a little, or at least trying to, she draws in a sniffling breath and moves her hands, wipes away the tears still streaming down her face before she mirrors Shiro and framing his face with her fingers at his cheeks. Her own voice drops quiet and gentle for him and him alone. ]
I love you, Takashi. Always. [ there's a soft chuckle from her ] I wish I could help kick Haggar's ass with you. I have a lot to take up with her for everything she's done to you. But I know you can win, jagiya. You and Pidgey and Lance and Hunk and Keith and the Princess and Coran and everyone who's joined up with you. You're not alone anymore. Promise me you'll remember that.
no subject
And there's a soft huff at the end.]
I will. [Its an easy promise to make and even if he couldn't keep it, he knows full well that his teammates, his friends, would be sure he did anyway. He's not going into the Black, and the war, alone. He's just -
going without her.]
I'll remember. [And then he pulls back because they can't prolong this. It's painful enough already and each minute longer just makes it harder. His hands linger in strands of her hair though, having a hard time forcing himself to let go entirely.] Its time for me to go, Hana.
no subject
on the nights that he needs her to hold him and pull him back into where he is, let him listen to the beat of her heart and the slowness of her breaths--
except that she won't be able to do that anymore. So she needs him to remember that in spite of that, he's not alone.
But there's no time, no more time, to tell him exactly what she means. No time to tell him that he can always find pieces of her in the flower garden she's left at the Castle; no time to tell him that she'd left some of her things in his room, too, in hopes that they could be anchors instead of cruel reminders. He's leaving and neither of them know when they'll see each other again and Hana has to try, very hard, not to let that thought clutch at her heart and ice her veins because she can't fall apart in front of him now, not again. The last thing she wants for him to see before he goes back into the cold dark draw of space is her smile, warmer than what the sun setting beyond them can provide, more refreshing than the sea breeze that washes across Gibraltar, sweeter than the cake at Hana's all-but-forgotten party.
So she does. Even if her eyes still glisten with the threat of tears, even if her body is already aching, missing his touch, she smiles for him fond and full of all of the love her heart and her small body can hold for him. Her hands find his, intertwine fingers with his briefly for one last time before she lets go completely even if it hurts more than she ever thought a goodbye could. And, softly, she says, ]
All right. Game face on, Takashi Shirogane. You have a war to win.